Cards
by Mord-Sith Rahl
Summary: For years Harry made his parents cards on Mothers’ Day and Fathers’ Day, and now he has someone else to make one for. AU after OP. Snape-adopts-Harry. Fathers' Day is way passed but oh well! Enjoy the journey to parent-child love on Daddy's Day anyways!


Summary: For years Harry made his parents cards on Mothers' Day and Fathers' Day, but now he has someone else to make one for. And this time he could give it to that person. AU after OP. Snape-adopts-Harry. Warnings of: Violence, Language, Suicidal Thoughts, and Child-Abuse.

Disclaimer: I do not own _Harry Potter_, nor do I own the holidays mentioned within this story. Though that would be pretty kickass to own a holiday wouldn't it?

A/N: There be flashbacks in this here story, so it's back and forth a bit. Try to keep up, eh? And I know Fathers' Day is passed but shh and just go along with it.

Dedicated to those with a father worth mentioning, but also for those of us who don't.

--

**Cards**

-

"_It is not flesh and blood but the heart which makes us fathers and sons."_

_**Johann Schiller**_

-

"_I cannot think of any need in childhood as strong as the need for a father's protection."_

_**Sigmund Freud**_

--

Harry awoke knowing the day was special. In fact, the day was probably more special for him than it was for Severus. All truth be told, Severus probably didn't even realise what day it _was_.

Following his morning routine Harry made his bed, brushed his teeth, took a shower, and changed into his summer clothes. Clothes Severus had bought for him because he had said he would not be seen around polite society with what looked like a street urchin. At the time Harry had taken offence at that, and had snapped off with a comment about the man's hair and overall personal hygiene.

Even now Harry was amazed Severus did nothing more than give him a stern look and talk about Harry's own hair and the incessant dirt under his nails. To which of course Harry commented that hours on end gardening would leave their stains just like potions did, but at least he had heard of the term "bath."

Thinking back on it Harry could almost fondly call the insults banter, though at the time Harry had of course been terrified that any moment an angry hand would strike out and deal out punishment.

Eh, didn't quite help that Severus had been a total prat about the whole adoption thing either.

--Memory--

"_You can't bloody be serious_!" Harry exploded, completely aghast at what the headmaster was telling him.

"I'm sure you two will get along just well," Dumbledore beamed, looking nothing more than a senile old man who had sucked on one too many sweets in his life.

"But...but...but he _hates_ me! Forget Voldemort, _Snape_ will kill me before he ever has a _chance_!"

"Stop being so melodramatic Potter," Snape sneered as he entered the hospital wing. "I'll definitely give the Dark Lord a chance."

"Now Severus, _really_," Dumbledore tutted. Snape just continued to sneer.

"Why does _he_ have to adopt me? Couldn't the Weasleys do it?" Harry whinged.

"The Weasleys do not have the power or the knowledge to protect you. Since the blood wards surrounding Privet Drive are out of the question now you need a capable wizard to keep you safe from Voldemort," Dumbledore explained. "I know the two of you haven't gotten on in the past..." Understatement of the year. "But surely you understand the importance of this?"

Scowling Harry crossed his arms, which was awkward due to the cast encasing his right arm. Stupid Uncle Vernon. "Yeah, sure. As long as I can defeat Voldemort nothing else matters. You know I'm safest at the Dursleys, why don't you just drop me off back with them?" he muttered, turning his face away to hide the wetness in his eyes. He should have known he was only good for a weapon.

"Again with the martyr act Potter? Really, you _do_ need some new material," Snape scoffed with derision.

"And you need a new _face_ you great ugly bat!" Harry yelled furious, head whipping around to glare angrily at his most hated professor.

"Harry! Severus! That is _enough_!" Dumbledore thundered, finally sounding like the powerful wizard that he was. Both younger wizards cowered, though Harry looked clearly more cowed than Severus did, but then again recent abuse does that to a person. "Now I want you both to stop fighting like juveniles and settle this dispute like men! This adoption is taking place and you both will accept it!" With that the formidable elderly wizard all but stormed out of the hospital wing, leaving Harry feeling cold all over.

Great, just what he needed; Dumbledore to start hating him again.

"Listen here Potter," Snape hissed leaning toward Harry and towering over him as the boy shrank back at the sudden intrusion of her personal space. "Don't think even for an instant that anything changes between us because of this adoption," the man ground out. "I hate you, you hate me, end of story. I won't be playing Daddy Dearest and treating you like a prince, nor will I suffer under the delusion that you could ever be desirable for a son.

"And don't bother trying to play on my sympathy because your muggle relatives would not take any of your crap at home, as you will find I possess no such trivial thing. Do I make myself _clear_ Potter?"

Shaking Harry eyed the darker man warily before nodding his head frantically. "Y-yes sir."

"Good," Snape sneered, before spinning around and disappearing out the hospital wing with robes flapping like great wings of a predator.

Harry cried himself to sleep that night.

--End Memory--

Shaking his head Harry couldn't help but smile at later memories, angst and all. Like the time he grew ill, but decided not to _play on Severus's sympathy_ (and besides, when did the Dursleys ever care if he was sick?) and kept that little titbit of information to himself. Severus and Harry had gotten on well enough by then, though largely due to Harry doing the best he could to not anger the man and call down his wrath. But apparently coming face to vomiting face with a sick child was more than the professor could stoically bear.

--Memory--

Harry felt horrible. His throat was scratchy, his eyes were watery, his head was pounding, and his stomach was rolling. Not to mention the dizzy spells and weakness. He knew better than to complain to Snape though. They had been getting on tolerably well and all, but Harry still remembered the whispered threat the day he learned of the adoption about complaining to Snape.

Wiping his running nose on the back of his sleeve Harry stumbled into the bathroom to splash cold water on his burning face, grimacing at the way his reflection looked.

"You look absolutely awful dear," the mirror needlessly told him.

"Gee, thanks," Harry croaked out. He figured he wouldn't look so bad if he hadn't gotten caught up in the storm outside the other day doing some outdoor chores while Snape went to market. The smart thing would have been to go back inside the cottage once it started raining but Harry didn't know if the professor would be like his relatives and not care what happened, only that Harry had better finish his chores _or else_.

Harry had already felt a bit, well, _icky_ before the storm, and staying outside in the chilly wind and rain finishing up his chores probably had not been the best idea. But Harry did not wish to make his new guardian angry in the middle of nowhere.

Not that they were really nowhere, _per se_. There were a couple neighbours a few miles down the dirt path and a small market town beyond that which could easily be walked to in just a few short hours. Of course, the wards around the professor's property kept unwanted visitors away, so Harry felt rather isolated in the countryside with only Snape for company. _With only Snape to hear him scream..._

"I'm going to kill Voldemort," Harry rasped shakily drawing himself to full height and trying to ignore the pain of his achy bones. "And then I'm going to kill Dumbledore. And then for good measure I'm going to throw myself off a cliff. Yeah, a big one. Bloody brilliant," he breathed tiredly.

"POTTER! Get your sorry arse down here!"

Hey, they were getting along, but they weren't _friends_.

Hell, they weren't even friend_ly_.

Groaning as the shout reverberated through his head Harry almost stumbled down the stairs leading to the ground floor but righted himself just in time. Entering the dining room he almost gagged at the aroma of breakfast, knowing he would never be able to keep the food down. Dear god he hoped he didn't sick it all up in front of Snape...

"This is the third day in a row you have been late Potter," Snape sneered. "Obviously I was wrong in thinking you had more decency than a common cave troll."

Ignoring the baiting that he would have usually risen to, Harry all but slumped in his seat. "Sorry sir," he murmured, because he mostly didn't think he could speak at his normal volume. He waited until Snape served himself then carefully put a few morsels on his own plate, both to steady his weak hand and in fear Snape might strike out for being presumptuous. They might be getting on but only because Harry obeyed any and all commands, at least as much as he were able.

He felt Snape's eyes on his bowed head as he toyed with the food on his plate but didn't dare look up. Very slowly he lifted a forkful of eggs to his mouth, trying hard not to focus on how they squished in his mouth as he chewed. Taking a sip of the pumpkin juice Snape lately laid out for him Harry almost wished Snape was still acting like a total git and just left him with water for the juice was _not_ helping his stomach any.

After only three more bites Harry lost the battle with his stomach.

Eyes widening Harry slapped a hand over his mouth as he pushed himself away from the table, the chair knocking onto its back, and ran out of the room to the downstairs toilet. He barely made it in time to hurl the meagre contents of his rolling belly into the porcelain bowl dry heaving after there was no more. Groaning he pushed his sweaty bangs off his forehead only to rear back in shock and fear when he felt a cool hand touch him there.

"'M sorry," he moaned trying to shrink away from the perceived threat. The back of his head smashed into the sink, causing the pain already in residence to intensify and a moan to exit his lips as stars exploded behind his eyes. A shadow fell over him and he heard a rustling of robes causing him to whimper and attempt to draw back even further. "Please..."

"Potter...I'm just trying to check your temperature," Snape's voice filtered into his stuffy mind, sounding uncharacteristically soft and concerned. His cold hand touched Harry's flaming head again, causing the boy to let out an unconscious moan and lean into the cool appendage that felt so good against his heated flesh. "That's it Potter, just keep calm. Here, rinse out your mouth."

A cup was pressed against Harry's lips making him slurp the deliciously cold water within before he was pressed to spit it out in a basin the older man conjured for him. A flannel then lightly swabbed around his mouth before he was allowed to drink some more water again, this time swallowing. A whispered summoning charm later and a vial was lifted to his lips, quickly followed by another.

"To settle your stomach and a fever reducer," Snape explained. "Let's get you to bed."

"'M sorry," Harry pitifully moaned again. "'M fine."

"You are anything but fine Mr Potter. Now stop struggling against me else you _won't_ like the consequences." Shivering Harry slumped and allowed Snape to lead him back to the bedroom and set him in bed. "Why didn't you tell me you felt ill Potter? I'm assuming this is from the downpour I found you in the other day."

Frowning Harry rubbed his aching eyes. "It was hardly a downpour," he muttered. He then gave a sigh. "Yes and no sir. I was already feeling rather poorly before that, but I'm pretty sure the rain made it worse." He squeezed his eyes shut and leaned away slightly, waiting for the biting words and angry hands.

They never came.

"That does not answer my question as to why you did not tell me you were ill," Snape sighed harshly. "Oh for Merlin's sake boy, I'm not going to hit you like that oaf of an uncle of yours!"

Blinking Harry just gave Snape a startled look. "But you said...you said don't try to play on your sympathy." A sudden coughing fit impeded his speech for a moment, continuing with a grimace and an even scratchier voice once it subsided. "I'm all right, honest Professor." He chanced a glance up at Snape and was shocked to find the man look stricken. "A-are you all right Professor Snape?" he whispered hesitantly.

"Am _I_ all right?" Snape snapped looking thunderous. Harry shied away from the man as he began pacing the length of bed. "You're here sounding like you just swallowed a kilo of gravel, and you ask _me_ if I'm okay. After I threw you out in the pouring rain."

"Y-you didn't know it was going to rain..." Harry murmured, flinching when Snape spun around to glare at him again.

"You are my responsibility. It is my duty to make sure you are well."

Responsibility. Duty. Obligation. They were all the same word, and they all meant the same thing. Burden. Unwanted. Freak.

"I-I should have been faster," Harry shook his head vehemently, moaning when it felt like he would sick up again and all over the really nice bed Snape was letting him borrow in his spare room. It wasn't _his_ room, no matter if he had been adopted. Snape had been forced into it and would never want Harry as his son. He had even said as much that first night. "I should have tended to the garden faster. I'll do better next time, I promise."

"There won't _be_ a next time!" Snape snarled.

Eyes widening panic overtook Harry. "No! Please, please don't send me back! I'll be good, I'll be better, I promise, _please_! Please sir! I'll never sick up again and I'll work harder and faster and I won't eat your food and I'll sleep on the floor and I'll do whatever you want just _please don't send me back_!"

"Potter! Potter, calm yourself!" Snape urged grabbing Harry's upper arms, but terrified as he was Harry only read anger in the motions.

"NO! PLEASE GOD NO!" he cried, desperate to get away. "YOU CAN'T SEND ME BACK, YOU _CAN'T_!" He started thrashing against the body that held him, desperate to break free from the arms that would surely soon bring pain. He realised tears were falling from his eyes but he didn't care, nor did he care that his screaming was getting raspier and raspier as time went by, his throat being utterly flayed by his coughs and yells. "PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE! I'LL BE A GOOD BOY, I WON'T BE A BURDEN, I WON'T BE A WASTE OF SPACE! PLEASE, I WON'T BE A FREAK, _I WON'T_!"

"POTTER!"

Freezing at the fierce yell Harry felt supreme terror before slumping against the hard chest he was pressed against, knowing that no matter how hard he fought it would not help. It was best to just allow things to happen, and do whatever they wanted. He tried to choke back his tears, but all that happened was that his breath became erratic and it built up into sobs. He knew he was not supposed to cry or make noise, but he couldn't help it. He tried to continue pleading but all that came out was an incoherent rasp.

"Potter..." Snape began and Harry flinched when a hand came up to rest on the back of his head, fingers curling slightly into the hair. Snape would tighten his fist and yank his hair back, exposing his face soon, Harry just knew it. Snape made a sound like he was swallowing. "Potter, I did not mean I was sending you back to the Dursleys." Harry tensed again and the fingers in his hair began running through it, as if Snape were trying to calm him. But that was impossible, wasn't it?

"I'm sorry," Harry tried to rasp out again, but he didn't know if Snape understood him or not.

"Ssh, don't aggravate your throat more than you already have Potter, just listen. I simply meant that you will not be doing any more practical work unless I am there to monitor you."

"Practical work?" Harry questioned, and he figured Snape must have got the gist of what he said because the man sighed.

"Did you simply assume I set you out to work in the garden for the hell of it?" The man's hand left his hair to lift Harry's chin up so he could stare him in the eye. "Did you recognise any of the plants you were set to?"

Thinking about it for a moment Harry slowly nodded. He remembered a couple of the plants being magical ones, and actually more than one had been on his O.W.L.s. They had caused him a bit of trouble, trying to get them to obey and place them next to other plants that wouldn't ruin their attributes and magic. Some had been regular herbs and even some flowers, and it had taken him most of the day to work out how to plant them harmoniously.

"I gave you that task to practice Herbology, and when I saw the dark clouds rolling in I figured you knew to move inside. I had forgotten how your relatives had forced you to tend to their own garden, and was not thinking you would perceive it as an unpleasant chore." Snape stared intently into his eyes, causing Harry to worry what his actions would be. "I saw the garden Potter, and took stock of what you did."

Harry tried to flinch back but Snape's grip on his chin quickly disabused that option. Ah, so Snape was displeased with his work. He swallowed thickly, wincing at the pain from his sore throat and closed his eyes waiting for the blows. He knew that he had rushed a bit during the rain, but had hoped it was mostly all right. Maybe he hadn't put the plants in the right order?

"It seems all those years as a makeshift gardener has given you quite a skill in the garden," Snape intoned. "Look at me Potter." Harry hesitantly opened his eyes. "But that does not mean I will treat you like your relatives have. Outside of what I have assigned you for schoolwork have I set you any chores outside of keeping your room clean?" Harry slowly shook his head. "Have I ever hit you?"

Harry pressed his lips together remembering their last failed Occlumency lesson. He hadn't technically hit Harry but he had manhandled him and threw a glass jar at his head.

"Have I ever hurt you since the adoption?" Snape asked softly, as if reading his thoughts (which since they were staring each other in the eye it was quite possible).

Harry thought back. No, he didn't remember Snape ever hitting him, though he had every reason and chance to. Why hadn't he? With a confused expression on his face Harry shook his head again, as if asking _'Why haven't you?'_

"Potter...I will never strike you. As angry as I become I have never hit a child and I do not intend on starting now. I thought I had made this clear, but clearly you need more than words to get a statement through your thick head," Snape grumbled. He sighed (again!) when Harry just looked frightened at his ending words.

"I promise you Potter, I will never abuse you. I will never allow you to feel that sort of pain again. And if you are ever sick or even just feel poorly I _want_ you to come see me immediately so that I can take care of you. In hopes that it does not reach the level of illness you are at now."

Tears filled Harry's eyes again, and before he knew it he was sobbing again. Snape held him to his chest, stroking his hair and murmuring comforting words. It was one of many days past and future Harry cried himself to sleep.

--End Memory--

Sighing Harry pulled out a box from under his bed, an old shoebox of Dudley's that he had nicked when he was younger. Blowing the slight dust off he slowly lifted the lid to reveal two stacks of paper; cards. A slight smile lifted his lips, finger tips running over them lovingly. Just a few weeks ago he had added a card to the left stack, and now he was going to add one to the right. Raising on his knees a little bit he reached under his pillow and pulled out two cards. Choosing the one with a stag drawn on it he flicked it open to read.

--Memory--

"Come on Harry, we're going to be late for the feast," Hermione pulled on his sleeve.

"No thanks guys. I actually think I'm just going to go to bed," Harry murmured, shaking his arm lightly so that his friend released it.

"Bed? But Harry, it's still so early," Hermione frowned. "Are you feeling all right?"

"Yeah mate, there's going to be all sorts and sweets and things, are you sure you want to miss it?" Ron questioned.

"Yeah, I just...need some time alone. I'll talk you guys later, all right? See ya..." Without waiting for his two best friends to respond Harry slipped away into a secret passage he found in his first year. Sighing he wandered around the corridors for a while before finding a decent spot to rest.

Settling into the padded window nook Harry sat sideways with his knees drawn up to his chest and his arms wrapped around his legs as she stared out the window at the full moon and its glistening reflection in the lake. Resting his forehead against the cold glass, his warm breath causing it to fog up, he let out a breathy gasp as he started to lose the battle against his tears.

He didn't know how long he sat there, thin shoulders shaking as he tried to stifle his crying, but all too soon he felt a presence behind him.

"Mr Potter, why are you not at the feast?"

Hurriedly wiping his tears Harry turned his head to stare up at Snape as he stood there impassively and bit his lip as another tear escaped his eye. Wiping that too away he shook his head and swung his legs back around to the floor. "No reason sir," he mumbled at the ground.

"Look at me when you are speaking to me Mr Potter," Snape ordered, though it wasn't as biting as it could be. "Now tell me the reason why I find you obviously upset in a distant part of Hogwarts when there is a feast happening downstairs."

"What does it matter," Harry grumbled, though he looked up at Snape after that.

"Potter..." Snape sighed. "_Obviously_ something is bothering you."

"Why don't you use your awesome powers of observation and think about what day it is Snape!" Harry snapped out angrily, shooting up from his seat and turning to run away. Snape's hand on his arm stopped him however, and too upset over the date to feel fear he simply tried to keep his tears at bay again as he stayed facing away from the man behind him.

"I had...forgotten. I did not think how this day would affect you. You never before showed any signs this day was hard on you."

"Yeah well, I never showed that I was _abused_ either!" he spat, unwillingly shivering at the word. He spun around to glare at Snape, though he was sure the look was ruined by the twin tracks of tears running down his cheeks. "No-one _ever_ thinks about how this day affects me!" he hissed. "It's just 'be a good little boy Potter and save the world.' 'Of _course_ we care about you Potter, that's why we're having a sixteen year old boy go against the darkest wizard of our time instead of experienced adult wizards.' 'Don't worry Potter, the Dark Lord can only torture you for so long before he tires of it and _kills you_!'"

"Are you quite through?"

"I haven't even _started_!" Harry continued to shout. "I'm not some bloody little hero to be led around by a golden leash for everyone's amusement! I don't want to be placed on a bloody pedestal where I can only ever fall off! I don't want to be the famous kid everybody idolises without ever getting to know! I don't want to be the _BLOODY BOY-WHO-LIVED_! I just want to be _HARRY DAMMIT_!"

"Well, _Harry Dammit_, tough luck what you want," Snape drawled.

"_FUCK YOU_!" Harry screamed, twisting to get his arm away. "FUCK YOU AND THE FUCKING WIZARDING WORLD! I JUST WANT TO BE A REGULAR BOY WITH REGULAR PARENTS WHO _LOVE HIM_! IS THAT TOO BLOODY MUCH TO ASK! I DIDN'T ASK FOR THIS _STUPID_ FAME AND THIS _STUPID_ DESTINY AND THIS _STUPID FUCKING LIFE_!"

By the end of Harry's rant he was broken down in sobs, great fat tears rolling down his cheeks as he deflated, falling against Snape's chest. "Why? Why did they have to go? Why did they have to leave me?" he cried desperately, clutching at Snape's robs as his arms wrapped around him. "Why did they have to die? _They didn't have to die_!"

"Hush Potter..."

"_NO_! Dad could have just run away, and Voldemort told Mum she didn't have to die and she could have just left and she would still be alive and it's all my fault!" he sobbed, burying his face into the dark robes, too caught up in his own grief to realise Snape stiffened at the mention of his mother. "It's all my fault..."

"Potter your parents sacrificed themselves for you because they loved you very much. Yes, they could have left you alone but because of their love you are alive here today."

"I don't _care_! I just...I just don't want to be alone anymore," Harry whispered. "I hate this day. I hate the reminder that I lost them...I lost so much..."

"Yet you gained so much as well Potter--"

"I don't care about that! I never wanted the stupid fame to begin with, and I _don't_ want it _now_!"

"What about your _life_ you foolish child!" Snape snarled, pushing Harry away just enough to see into his eyes. "Your parents sacrificed themselves so you could live! Is that any way to repay them!"

"What do you care!" Harry spat, striving to be free of his professor's grasp but failing. "You wish I was _dead too_!"

Snape froze at that before he brought his hand up. Harry, expecting to be hit, flinched away and shielded his face as best he could while the professor held onto his other arm. When Snape only ran the hand down his own face with exaggerated slowness so Harry could see it clearly Harry blushed.

"Potter, no matter how much you lost you should be grateful you are still alive," Snape began again, only to be interrupted again by Harry.

"WHAT IF I DON'T _FUCKING_ WANT TO BE ALIVE!" he yelled, continuing his thrashing about now. "WHAT IF I JUST WANT TO FUCKING _DIE_ AND GET IT OVER WITH!"

"Potter!"

"_FUCK YOU SNAPE_!"

"POTTER!" When Harry jumped in shock Snape brought him back against his chest. "Stop this foolishness child. You have many people who care about you, and not for what you mean to this war. You cannot honestly mean it when you wish for death. No, you can't," Snape tightened his hold around Harry's shoulders when the boy moved to interrupt. "Think about your friends, could you stand not seeing them ever again? What about the wolf? Dumbledore even? Think about what your death would mean to _them_."

Shaking Harry just pressed his face into the man's robes again, tears streaming down his cheeks as he cried for all he lost and what it all meant for him, fingers spastically clutching at the woollen material. "It _hurts_. I hate it Professor, I hate it so much. I this day...I hate Halloween."

"I know Potter," Snape murmured. "I do too."

They stayed there for a few minutes longer, Harry crying all over Snape until they moved down to Snape's personal chambers and Harry went to bed early; spent and drained yet oddly relieved.

--End Memory--

Harry remembered feeling content then, just for a little while. However, it would not last for very long.

With a small growl Harry fingered the other card with a lily drawn on it as he thought back to perhaps a teacher he hated just as much, if not worse than Umbridge. The man who reminded him so much of his Uncle Vernon...

--Memory--

"Mr Potter, what class is this?"

"D-Defence Against the Dark Arts, Professor?"

"Is that an answer or a question Mr Potter?"

"An answer, sir," Harry murmured, lowering his head and ignoring the snickering of the Slytherins.

"Then can you tell me why you decided to _sleep_ during my class Mr Potter?" Professor Caine asked as he towered over the sitting student.

"I...I didn't mean to sir." Harry knew better than to lie. Caleb Caine seemed to have a personal vendetta against Harry for some yet unknown reason, and the only person that knew it was Harry. Sure, everyone saw the way he acted in class, but Caine made sure to only call him on things that he could be blamed for. Behind closed doors, however, it was another matter entirely.

"Oh, you didn't _mean_ to, Mr Potter," Caine drawled, though it had none of the smooth suavity that Snape's did. The Slytherins chuckled again. "Mr Potter, this is the third time this week you have fallen asleep in my class. I am _very_ disappointed in you," he tutted and shook his head. Turning around he gave an exaggerated sigh. "Class dismissed, Mr Potter stay after."

Harry's mouth went dry as his palms moistened, fear turning his sweat acrid. This was the third time he had fallen asleep in Caine's class, and the third time he had been asked to stay behind. What was worse, he had promised Snape to meet him during his free period that was directly after class. Snape was going to kill him for missing it...that is, if Caine didn't kill him before.

"Mr Potter, I am _severely_ disappointed. I told you Mr Potter, I told you that three times and you would pay the penalty."

Harry hated how Caine always said his name _just so_, as if mocking him. He hated how powerless he felt around him. Just like when he was around Uncle Vernon. "S-sir, I'm s-sorry..." he whispered, cowering in his seat slightly.

"Yes Mr Potter," Caine drawled as he pulled something out of his desk. A cane. "You will be."

--End Memory--

Shuddering Harry remembered the feel of the cane, Caine's Cane, coming down on his back, of the whimpering moans forced out of his throat that only brought down a harsher vengeance. Severus _had_ been displeased he had missed their meeting, even more so when Caine showed up at their private quarters with _such_ a forlorn expression on his face imploring forgiveness from Severus on Harry's behalf. After all, Harry's hadn't _meant_ to fall asleep during his class...

--Memory--

"I am _severely_ disappointed in you Potter," Severus shook his head, causing Harry to flinch back.

"I-I'm sorry Professor, _really_. I wanted to come meet you like you told me to, but..."

"Don't be so hard on the chap Severus," Caine grinned easily, slapping Harry on the back good-naturedly, or so it was supposed to appear. Harry winced at the pain, especially since Caine's hand was hitting one of the spots that had began bleeding. "We all make mistakes in our youth."

"Some more than others," Snape snarled with an irritated look thrown in Harry's direction, either not seeing Harry's pasty face or not caring. "Thank you Professor Caine. I'll make sure Potter is properly punished."

"Oh, I don't know about that Severus," Caine laughed. "No harm no foul. Perhaps just a detention with me?"

"No! Please Professor--"

"Silence Potter!" Snape snapped, efficiently shutting Harry up. Turning to Caine he nodded once. "Yes, that will be suitable if that is what you believe he warrants. He's gotten into trouble before and was never held responsible."

"Don't worry Severus," Caine spoke with a glint in his eyes only Harry could see. "He'll get what he deserves."

"That's all I ask," Snape intoned darkly. "Potter, you will cause Professor Caine no problems, do you hear me?"

"Please sir," Harry whispered desperately, his bruised flesh pulling on his back as he grabbed at Snape's robe sleeve. Snape angrily shook Harry off.

"_Enough_ Potter!" He growled when Harry flinched back. "You will go with Professor Caine and do whatever tasks he sets you, do I _make myself clear_?"

"But he--"

"I don't _care_ Potter!" Snape snarled. Harry gasped, eyes clenching shut in pain not at all physical. He should have known. "Just because he does not fawn over your fame like every other teacher does not mean you can show either him or I any disrespect. I will not stand for it."

"Yes sir," Harry whispered, remembering where he stood in the grand scheme of things. He should have known Snape would lie. He hadn't meant it when he said Harry would never be hurt again. No-one ever meant it.

"Well come on Mr Potter, we have lots to accomplish before curfew. Have a nice day Severus," Caine smiled jovially, latching onto Harry's shoulder and digging his thumb into a particularly sore spot. Ushering him out the door he leant down to whisper in his ear. "I told you Mr Potter, no-one will care...who could ever love a freak?"

Harry learned to hate his name that night.

--End Memory--

Sniffling Harry tried to get past his memories, but the cards in his hands just seemed to draw the past year forward. The multiple meetings with Caine, and his punishments he began to believe he deserved. He tried so hard at first to tell Severus, but Severus constantly brushed him off, believing him to just be whinging about a dentition he thought he was too good for. He remembered the one sentence that Severus spoke that caused all rational thought in Harry to break apart.

--Memory--

"Professor, you don't understand!"

"Oh, I understand _just_ fine Potter!" Snape snapped at him, not seeing harry flinch at his name due to his searching for papers amongst his desk. "You think you can use me to get out of detentions as both your guardian and teacher!"

"NO! Sir, please..."

"It is not my fault you continually fall asleep in class Potter," Snape hissed angrily. "Perhaps if you went to bed on time this wouldn't be a problem."

Harry wanted so desperately to tell him of the nightmares then, but the man's continued behaviour made him rethink that idea. After all, he didn't want the man to think he was trying to play on his sympathy. He shook his head angrily, tears of frustration forming in his eyes. "Professor!"

"Potter I will not tell you again! Now _leave_, your continual whining is becoming most burdensome!"

All feeling left Harry at those words.

Burden. Unwanted. Freak.

"Forgive me Professor Snape," Harry murmured without emotion, backing away towards the door defeated. "I shall leave for my detention now. I am sorry to be a burden." He left quickly after that, not seeing the suddenly confused expression on his guardian's face change to remorse.

Walking down the corridors heading to Caine's office Harry knew he should feel fear, but just couldn't bring himself to. He was a burden. Snape didn't care. Snape would never care. Harry was just an obligation to the headmaster to keep alive until he could defeat Voldemort.

"What if I don't want to defeat Voldemort?" he whispered angrily to himself. "Just because of a stupid prophecy, why should I have to sacrifice my life for people that don't even care? Snape will never care. I might as well just _kill myself_!"

He had thought of it before, had actually thought of it multiple times this year...what if he killed himself? He remembered Halloween and the utter despair he felt, but Snape was there to help him that time...

Snape wasn't there anymore.

Shaking his head at his delirium Harry hurriedly made his way to the Defence professor's office, his emotions in tumult and his thoughts chaotic. Could he do it, seriously? After all, no-one cared about him; they just wanted a pawn to use for their own purposes. What if he didn't want to be a pawn?

"Mr Potter, you are late," Caine smiled. The cane was already laid out on his desk, and the crazed professor's hand sensually slid towards it. "That's an extra five for tardiness."

"Only five?" Harry questioned snidely, doing a better job at impersonating Snape than Caine ever did. "Why not go all out and make it fifty?" he hissed.

"Do not _tempt_ me Mr Potter," Caine hissed back, fist tightening around the cane. "Just for that remark, you can take your shirt off."

Eyes widening Harry took a step back, all bravado gone momentarily. Uncle Vernon liked to make him take his shirt off too. "N-no!"

"_What_ did you say Mr Potter?"

"I s-said no, you evil git!" Harry tried defiantly. "Y-you're not hitting me again! If you do I'll tell my...I'll tell Snape!"

"Oh, but don't you remember Mr Potter, he doesn't _care_," Caine cooed, coming closer. "In fact, he told me to do this."

"What? You're lying!" Harry cried, back pressed up against the wall now. Even he could hear how feeble his reply was, how unsure his voice sounded. All because of Snape's earlier words...

Burden. Unwanted. Freak.

"Oh no Mr Potter, what reason would I have to lie? After all, he believes you should get what you deserve, remember Mr Potter?"

"STOP SAYING MY NAME!"

"Ah, but it _is_ your name Mr Potter. Severus Snape would never wish to claim you as his, isn't that right? Isn't that why you didn't change your name _Mr Potter_?"

"NO! IT'S NOT! JUST LEAVE ME ALONE!"

"Not until you've had your punishment Mr Potter. Now _take off your shirt_!" Caine's free hand suddenly lashed out and clouted Harry on the side of the head before tearing the shirt off the disoriented boy.

"NO! NO, NO, NO, _STOP IT_! HE CARES! _HE CARES_!" Harry cried, trying to bat his professor's hands away.

"Keep telling yourself that lie Mr Potter. If he cared he would have noticed something was wrong, don't you think Mr Potter?" He raised the cane high above his head. Harry twisted away and tried to open the door, but it had been spelled shut and silenced, just like every other time. Terrified he tried to escape another away but let out a scream of agony as the cane met his already abused back.

"NO, NO, NO, SNAPE PLEASE HELP!" Harry screamed, trying to scramble away as the hated cane came down again and again. He noticed his wand lying near the remnants of his shirt, so painfully flipping onto his back he kicked out with both feet and hit Caine in the gut, sending the older man stumbling back. Picking himself up enough to dive for the wand he used years of experience to make himself roll back to his feet, a spell on his lips.

"_Expelli_--"

_CRACK!_

Gasping Harry dropped to his knees, hand grasping his bleeding face where Caine's cane met the side of his mouth. His glasses having flown off at the force of the impact Harry stared woozily and blurrily up at his towering professor.

"Tut, tut Mr Potter," Caine smirked.

"Why are you _doing this to me_?" Harry cried out, scrambling backwards until he hit a wall. "I never did anything to you!"

"You're a LIAR MR POTTER!" Caine suddenly screamed. "Because of you my brother is _dead_! You KILLED HIM!"

"I don't know your brother!" Harry screamed spitting out blood.

"ROBERT TANNER, MR POTTER!" Caine screamed, the cane in his hand swinging down to strike across Harry's chest causing a bright red welt and a hiss of pain.

Robert Tanner? Wasn't that the wannabe Death Eater that had tried to off him one day when he was shopping with Snape? The one that hadn't the guts to go to Voldemort himself but spouted his teachings like a crazed fanatic? The one that was shot down by patrolling Order members?

Frowning Harry growled. "I didn't kill your brother! He killed _himself_!"

"I'LL TEACH YOU TO LIE MR POTTER!" Caine screeched, bringing the cane down repeatedly on Harry. "YOU ARE A MURDERER MR POTTER, AND EVEN SEVERUS BELIEVES IT!"

Gasping more in emotional pain than physical Harry curled up into a little ball. That was right. Snape hated him. He was just a burden on the man. He only adopted him because Dumbledore made him. He didn't want Harry. He deserved to be free of Harry. Burden.

Unwanted.

Freak.

"_POTTER_!" a yell, and this time not from Caine, sounded amidst a sound of crashing. "_EXPELLIARMUS! INCARCEROUS! FURNUNCULUS! LANGLOCK! __**SECTUMSEM**_--"

"SEVERUS! That is quite enough."

Moaning Harry flinched when a hand touched his shoulder, but the gentle voice that accompanied it had Harry opening his eyes with great difficulty. Even without his glasses he would recognise that nose anywhere. Brows furrowing slightly in confusion Harry couldn't keep a hesitant smile from his lips.

"Dad?"

Harry then promptly passed out.

--End Memory--

Rubbing the back of his neck Harry leaned against the edge of his bed lost in thought. Caine had come very close to killing him that day, and would have if Severus had not felt guilty at his words and suspicious of Harry's reaction.

They had moved past his constant fear of being a burden by that time, though it still cropped up every once in a while, usually in moments of extreme stress. The fact that Harry and fallen back to the way he acted when first adopted was troublesome, and when Severus happened across Dumbledore in the hallway they both decided to check it out.

Harry was amazed when he woke up in the hospital wing with Severus in the chair next to his bed sleeping in what had to be an uncomfortable position and looking absolutely wretched. He had reached for his glasses and accidentally made too much noise, causing Severus to awaken...

--Memory--

Consciousness flooded into him, causing Harry's breathing to quicken before settling down again. Blinking he realised he was in the infirmary again, and it was barely the middle of the year. Turning his head he was amazed to see Snape sitting in a chair next to the bed, asleep but looking uncomfortably so. Actually, it looked like the man hadn't slept for a few days, and was only now lightly dozing.

Biting his lips Harry automatically sat up and reached over to get his glasses though his hand bumped into an empty vial there and sent it crashing to the floor. The sound of glass hitting stone was enough to awaken the Potions professor and Harry found himself staring into black eyes. When a hand reached out he flinched back, eyes squeezing shut.

"Oh Potter..." Snape's sad voice penetrated his ears, causing him to hesitantly look at his guardian again.

"I-I'm sorry sir," he whispered, voice hoarse from screaming and disuse. He vaguely remembered night terrors and a soothing voice and comforting hands but pushed those aside to focus on the present.

"You do have something to apologise for but I have a feeling whatever you are apologising for is not it," Snape commented, voice soft. He slowly reached over to the side table and picked up Harry's glasses before slowly extending them to him. Hesitantly Harry took them and put them on. "So what are you apologising for?"

"I'm sorry I'm a burden," Harry murmured looking down at his lap. "I should have taken my punishment without a complaint and not caused such a ruckus. I shouldn't have bothered you so much, and I shouldn't have carried on like I did."

"No, Potter," Snape leaned forward, though he kept his uncharacteristically fidgeting hands in his lap. Staring intently into Harry's eyes he gently shook his head. "You are _not_ a burden, that was not punishment but abuse, and you yourself were not bothering me. The only thing you have to apologise for is not _telling me_ that Caine was abusing you." The man looked so utterly broken Harry couldn't help pitying him.

"He said...he said you knew," he whispered, peeking up through his fringe. He watched all the colour (which wasn't much) drain out of the professor's face before it all and more came rushing back. Snape shot up in seat and began pacing again, but Harry was too drained of energy himself to react much.

"I'll _kill_ him! How dare he say that! I should have ignored Albus and _cursed_ the bloody wanker!" Snape spat, his anger obviously focused somewhere other than Harry. "I should have gone with my instincts and cast _Crucio_!" He spun back to Harry and strode to the side of his bed looking anxious. "I promise you Potter, I did not know he was abusing you."

Lips thinning Harry ducked his head and nodded, but didn't say anything.

"Mr Potter?"

Flinching Harry wet his lips. "Ca-can you not call me that...please?"

"Excuse me?" Snape questioned with quirked brows.

"P-Potter," Harry whispered. "H-he called me that, all the time. He called me Mr Potter practically every sentence he spoke to me."

"Ah," Snape murmured, sitting back down in his chair. He said nothing further, causing Harry to squirm.

"Never mind," he muttered. "You're my guardian. You can call me whatever you want."

"Harry," Snape murmured reaching out a hand to grab Harry's, which was twisting the sheet in his lap. "I will call you Harry if anything else makes you uncomfortable."

"I don't think I can ever hear that name without remembering..." He trailed off lost in thought.

"You know Harry, I adopted you," Snape prompted.

"Really, I never would have guessed," Harry muttered under his breath before paling. "I'm sorry sir! I didn't mean to be flippant or impertinent!"

"Hm, just like I never mean to be a snarky bastard," Snape raised his brows again. He smirked at the soft chuckle he got from Harry, however hesitant it was. "What I meant to inform you is that should either of us wish it...we could easily change your name to Snape."

Eyes widening Harry stared at Snape as if he might disappear any second. "Y-you mean...you would want to acknowledge to the general populace that I am your...that you adopted me?" he questioned amazed.

"That you are my son? Yes. I know Albus originally believed it would be more public-friendly to keep...your original name as that is the name the boy-who-lived is known by, but should there be any actual distress where the name is indicated then your health, happiness, and overall concerns come first."

Harry frowned. "Right, your obligation towards me. I remember," he grimaced.

"The only _obligation_ I have is the same as any parent to their child. If you do not wish it then it is no matter," he shrugged it off as unimportant, though Harry read a sudden stiffness in his posture. It caused him to smile slightly.

"I'd like it," he whispered shyly.

"Hm?" Snape asked.

"I'd like it, if we were to change my name to Snape," Harry repeated louder.

A slow smile crept on Snape's face. "In that case, call me Severus."

--End Memory--

Harry recalled fondly how, once Harry went back to Severus's—_their_ quarters (while he was healing they decided it was safer for him there) Severus spent the first week acting like a shadow to Harry and found many different verbal and nonverbal ways to apologise for his past actions and neglect before and after the adoption. At the end of the week Harry snapped at the man that he wasn't fragile glass about to break at any minute and he was so annoyed with the man that he forgot to feel fear most of the day.

Actually, the only thing that reminded Harry of Severus's position over him was when the papers came to change his name. Worried Severus would decide not to go through with it because of his attitude he apologised profusely, only to have Severus tell him that no matter what he said or did Harry could not change Severus's decision.

--Memory--

"Harry stop your incessant apologising and just sign the damned paper," Snape finally just growled when the boy refused to listen to his reassurances.

Biting his lips Harry hesitated. "You're sure then sir, I mean...Severus?" At the look the man gave him he blushed. Of course the man was sure. He wasn't an idiotic Gryffindor; he wouldn't rush headlong into things without thinking them through. So, with a deep inhalation of breath, Harry dipped the nib of the quill into the ink pot and signed _Potter_ for the very last time.

As soon as the papers blinked out of existence from their rooms back to the Ministry all the air in his lungs rushed out and he felt slightly dizzy and sick. Though it was sick in a good way, if that was at all possible.

"Congratulations Mr Snape," Dumbledore beamed down at him. "To both Mr Snapes," he twinkled at Sna—Severus.

"Good good, it's all official now. Can you get out of our quarters now old man?" Severus snipped irritably.

A burst of warmth spread through Harry's chest at that, just as it always did when Severus called them '_our quarters_.' Like Harry belonged. A smile spread across his lips as he thought more about it, as he realised something he probably should have way earlier as he currently watched an exasperated Severus herd a pouting Dumbledore out of _their_ quarters. When Severus turned back to him with smirk-smile on his face, the one that caused his eyes to crinkle and the one he only showed Harry, Harry beamed back at him.

He loved his father Severus Snape.

--End Memory--

Deciding he had delayed long enough Harry put James's card in his stack next to Lily's stack, where a drawn picture of a red-haired woman rocking a black-haired baby decorated the top card, and closed the lid on the box. Whispering a silent pray Harry touched his fingers to his lips before placing them on the box top. Pushing the box back underneath his bed he grinned.

"Happy Fathers' Day Daddy James," Harry recited from memory what he had written on the card. He had changed what he had written a little this year for both James and Lily, telling them that they didn't have to worry about him anymore because he had Severus and that no matter how much he loved Severus it would never take away how much he loved them. He might not officially be a Potter any longer, but it's not a name that makes you family but what is in your heart.

He told Lily that he forgave Severus for her, because she wasn't around to do it. That he was a wonderful person, and he paid dearly for his mistake. He told his Mum Severus was taking care of him now, and she would be proud of her old friend. Harry was.

He then told James that even if Severus was his father now he could never take James place. That Severus didn't want to. Harry told him how much Severus had changed and that he thought they might have even been able to be friends in a different life. He told James to say hello for Sirius for him, and that he missed him something terrible but he wasn't going to let the dead keep him from living.

He apologised for not being strong enough in both cards, not for failing them but because he couldn't see he _didn't_. Severus had taught him to live again, and he didn't want to die any longer. He wanted to live.

He told them many things, and he grew from it and was able to appreciate the life his parents gave him...all three of them.

With a grin Harry snatched up the last card and stood up, straightening his clothes before marching determinedly into the main room of Severus's and his quarters.

--Memory--

Harry smiled softly as he took great pains to make the card flawless. He nibbled on his lower lip when a petal of the lily looked slightly skewed but quickly corrected it. With a proud smile at the finished piece he began colouring the flower in, imagining he could smell the scent of the flower as he did so.

It smelt just like his mum.

Harry had been surprised to learn that Severus and Lily had been friends once, and the scene he had witnessed in his new father's Pensieve fifth year made a whole lot more sense now as to why it would be his worst memory. It wasn't about the bullying...it was about losing the only woman he had ever truly loved.

It also made a whole _hell_ of a lot more sense as to why the Potions professor Harry had never met before seemed to hate him so. Regret.

It wasn't like that anymore however, Harry couldn't help but grin. Severus cared for him now. They never said stronger words, and in all actuality Harry hardly ever called him 'Father' or 'Dad' but the emotion and feelings were there all the same and they both knew it.

And perhaps it was finally time to change all that.

--End Memory--

"Harry, good morning," Severus gave his special smile as Harry walked into the room. He folded the newspaper he was reading and set it on the table beside the armchair he was sitting in giving Harry his full attention. "I trust you slept well?"

Harry smiled back at him. "Yup." He had been sleeping better for quite some time now. It had actually started after Harry officially became a Snape and realised his feelings for Severus, especially when he reckoned Severus felt the same way. He hadn't had a nightmare for many weeks now. "Uh, Severus? I uh, actually have something...for you." Harry reddened in embarrassment, wishing he was as articulate as his new father was.

"Indeed?" Severus intoned with a raise of his brows.

"Yeah, um...Happy Fathers' Day!" Harry blurted out, shoving the card towards Severus.

Shocked Severus stared at the lily decorated card for a few seconds, causing Harry to begin sweating in nervousness that he had royally screwed up, before he blinked and hesitantly took the card. He seemed a little choked up as he stroked the decorated cover. "Thank you Harry."

"Read it," Harry urged, still nervous. They had come so far but he was pretty sure he crossed some lines in the letter that they would never be able to go back across. He only hoped he hadn't made the wrong decision.

Looking Harry in the eye for a moment Severus gave a curt nod before carefully opening the card and reading the letter there. Harry anxiously shifted his weight on his feet as Severus read the note, knowing by how long it took the man that he was reading it more than once. He froze when Severus shifted and carefully closed the card before setting it atop the newspaper. He then stood up and walked over to the apprehensive Harry.

Black eyes stared into green for a few silent moments, which nearly undid Harry, until strong arms wrapped around the boy's slender frame and held him close...secure...home.

"I love you too Son."

--Severus's Card--

_Dear Severus,_

_Happy Fathers' Day._

_I probably rewrote this letter a million times just to get it right, and that's no exaggeration (you can even ask Ron). It wasn't until I broke my third quill in my anxiety that I realised that it didn't matter how I wrote it; it would always be right._

_You see Severus, I don't have to pretend with you. You know just who I am and you like me for it. You care for me through it all._

_Every year for as far back as I can remember I wrote my parents cards on Mothers' Day and Fathers' Day. I told them a little about what had happened that year, and how I missed them. How I couldn't wait to join them. For so long I only yearned for that. I told them about you this year Severus. I told them you were my family now too._

_My heart's desire was family, did you know that? I saw it in the Mirror of Erised. It seems it wasn't so out of reach as I originally thought._

_I so wanted to die this year Severus. I felt like I had lost everything. Then you came along. I so expected you to treat me just like the Dursleys did and instead, even when you hated me, you took care of me. Then our relationship grew and I started feeling guilty. I thought that if I acknowledged you as a parent or a father I would somehow be diminishing James. I realise now that that's not true. You could never take James's place but that's okay; you have your own special place in my heart._

_I guess what I'm trying to say is actually very simple. I want to live now Severus. I want to live and be your son. I want to call you 'Dad' and be a family with you. I want to know I belong, that I'm cared for. That I'm home._

_There are so many things I could say, so many things I am feeling right now. But really I think that four little words sum it all up quite nicely._

_I love you Daddy._

--End--

"_Any fool can be a Father, but it takes a real man to be a Daddy!!"_

_**Philip Whitmore Snr**_


End file.
